Effect of Master's mercy

In woman's life (in that case in my life) coming the moment, when she didn't cook the dinner. Master is mad and general would be better to steer clear of him; Rabbit trying to sniff each thing which isn't allowed for him to touch, only to make me look at him. Even for a moment. Some young girl inform me about stuff which are quite important for her life, and do whatever you want to solve those issues. Ah, dammit, it's so good to be supported by the closest people.

And everything would be pink with white unicorns jumping around, if not the fact that dire PMS came to me. I don't know if there is any so anoying guest as that meany sweanish, ornery crud! ***. It is not enough that everything hurts me, and Master didn't even touch my right boob yet, and the left one is moaning because the right one did.  And it also isn't enough that I'm so lazy that wasn't I never ever before.

Without spanking, I'll confess that my Master have the last panties in his drawer (rest is dirty), and I went out of home without bra, cause it didn't left any to wear, with information for me that  I HAVE TO do some laundry. I woudn't even mention the heap of clothes in hamper, which is higher that the washing machine already. For last few days we have lived on buns with chocolate (which made my mother) and pasta with strawberries and cream. My carnivorous Master is getting iritated, and today he  ascertained that he want a beefsteak, which shows how desperate he is, and how long he has been without his meat.

What was the effect?

Mercy of my Master and Owner got at an all-time high to say:

- From tommorow we're starting to straight all issues we need to straight. We start from the way we eat, we end on how you do my commands. I don't care about Nisha and if she's in her room or not, she can stay there as long as she want, but YOU have to do whatever I'll tell you to do. And in the way, which they are to be done.

It's not so bad in
my house yet. 

And because of that and stress which came from that sentence, I erased all "animals" I cultured on our kitchen's counter (who knew, that leaving two bowls in sink full of water can bring so interesting biological results), I cleaned up all dirty dished and if it wouldn't be a holiday, I would vacumclean. Duh! Master got his fried supper, so at once He got happier ;)

Conclusion?

Sometimes, only threat of whiping, caning and flogging is enough to make better attitude, point of view and what ever can be better :)

*** In common language (polish), we call period as an "auntie".  That why I called pms as a guest.

Vanilla sex

Candles... Smell of THOSE perfumes... Intense craving... Two burning from desire bodies... Eh - vanilla almost kicked you - didn't she? And what?

And, blimey, nothing! Of course for the first 20 minutes - as I do - ohs and ahs, how good and romantic it was. Time is running up. And Nisha? She didn't miss any ocasion to bite Master's fingers ;) Conclusion? Pure long-term vanilla just doesn't work for me.

The better I'm getting know my psyche the more shocked I am.

Since moment, when Nisha went into her own room, I don't need ANY sex - vanilla or not. But, dammit, for how long you can survive without sex?! The more desire is coming, the more Nisha shows up.

Question number one: is there any connection with my PMS?

Question number two: does Nisha live only on desire and craving?

Question numer three: will I ever know the answers?

I suppose that nobody knows the answer on third question. No matter of that, I was pushed by some mistique power to confess Master that I sined a bit. Reaction? Immediate consequences and punishment. Effect? Some not nice feelings, but... If you look at it from the perspective, I would do that again. I mean - I would confess,  not sined :D

Social opinion

What should be tha main opinion? Common rules or what Master said? Rather rhetorical questional, but...

What if something wasn't accepted by society, but it is accepted and being enjoyed by Master? If I wen't out dressed in society unacceptable way, don't I do his credit? On the other hand - He is my Master, He can decide if this outfit is aproppriate or not, and if He cares about what the rest of society will think about how I look.

Because I didn't have the picture
which fit :) 

Maybe I should start from what does it MEAN that He is my Master, and following my own definition it
means that each decision which should be made I give to Him. The same with situation evaluation. So, if Master says that "X" is ok, it means it is ok? I suppose yes, but...

Giving him right of judgment, I didn't give Him my feelings. The fact that He likes i.e. an outfit, it doesn't mean that I also like it, despite the fact that I accept it.

It was the best example of talking about nothing, but I suppose that Master will want to ask me about some issues from that post :)

Am I put out with my Master?

When I was reading one of polish-language blogs I follow, I realise that feeling which are being created in my head are quite normal. And it's not so sick that I previously thought.

What does it mean to break the Slave? What is going on in her head? How it looks like from the biological side? Does the pain-limit is moved mechanicly?

I don't know... I don't think so that is happening mechanicly. It's rather impossible. In my opinion it's methodogical process of changing atittude. Why? Cause if Master piss me off I'm able to take three of four times more swats than normal, in quiet and without moaning and crying. I know - you would say that it's because of adrenaline. And I suppose you would be right, but... sometimes I think that similar situation is during "breaking" Slave's limits. I'm next to it. Absent. Of course - I can feel the pain, but I totally give up to it. I stop fighting and running away from that. The only think I dream of is to curl up and stay alone. But in this kind of situation there is no adrenaline or anything which would alleviate the pain. So... (But it's only my opinion and it doesn't mean I'm right :D), it's mean that all that is in my head and I can control it.

But... The post wasn't to be about that. Nisha is hidden. Although she step out of her room from time to time - she is put out with both of us, Master and me, and it doesn't seem that she's going anywhere from her room.

What the hell does it mean to be put out with the Master?! But yes... There is something like that...  And it isn't any methaphore.

Something in my mind has been touched. Nobody know why, and what it was caused by. Am I put out with my Master? No.. But I don't feel so self-confident and well when he touches me. I don't want to see his look. THE look. Conclusion? I wouldn't be myself if I didn't think that I sucked as a Slave.

The metaphore cross my mind. There is an old TV on the shelf. It whirs. Picture isn't clear. The only way to
make it better is to shoot at the TV's enclosure. If it didn't help, you should try again and everything is getting normal. And sometimes, the picture is messed up, because somebody stood up from the chair. Nobody knows the connection between the picture and the standing up. Floor's move? And nobody knows what changes inside the TV during shooting the enlcosure, but... It works.

Similar situation is with me. Master stood up - he didn't do anything wrong. He didn't do anything which touched me. He didn't hurt me. Duh! He didn't cross my limits. But something changed under my enclosure and I whir and hum instead of working as a good Slave... The worst is that in my head case, normal shooting doesn't work.

And... In that way, we came to the very moment when Master asks his Slave if sex at the morning is ok with her. This is THE fall.  Like falling from Sears Tower down to ground...

Master piece in my opinion... And Nisha's spanking

Maybe I'll start with good news!

Nisha steped out from her room. Today, she even agreed for little spanking! Duh! She realised that those few swats, which she get from Master was even not enough! Unfortunetly, as fast she steped out as fast she run back into her room and she still stay there.

I'm tired of being lazy..
Maybe I'll rest a bit...

But...! I'm not moaning - there is SOME progress. Maybe it's not the best I can do, but... HELLOU <!>,
you can't have everything at once and Rome wasn't built in a day.

I'm glad to say, that after 10 days off and then two weeks of school, I have... another 10 days off :) Yeah... It's so good to be a student :)

Because after some research I got know that I can't put linked miniature of the picture, because it would be infringement of the law, I'll put LINK.

That picture became my goal to achieve in my photography. I'm afraid I'm gung ho about making pictures :P

And because of that - my post we'll end up here.

Locked door to submission.

First of all, I'd like to say sorry for long absence :) I'm quite back.

---

I was kneeling next to bed, with face hidden in hands, and I didn't think. About anything. Totally nothing. No reaction, no reflection. I got more and more swats, and... Like I wouldn't be there...

Nisha hide somewhere inside me. Deep... I can't ignore the association with scene from "The Host", when Wanda realises that she totally can't hear Melanie in her head, and  being in deadly fear trying get her out of there (people who didn't see the movie yet, forgive me :)). Nisha disappeared. And you know what...? I'm not able to find her!

Since moment, when I was waking up Master, and everything was... Just not right. I was to wake him up, and he woke up by his own - before I woke up, so he decided that he wan't some caress instead of what I was to do. And he realized his desire. I'm his Slave! Is there any place for problem with that?! Em... How you can see, there was a problem.

Nisha totally didn't like the situation. Barking-issue and these one... That seems to make her run away to other room in my head and lock the door. Even good spanking didn't get her out.

And what is the worst? One sentence...

- Did you like what have just happend?
- No...
- I was trying to make it nice for you... Did it hurt?
- Yes...
- Have you felt that it was punishment?
- Yes...
- Are you apologetic...?
- <I shrugged my shoulders. >
- Do you feel like being obedient?
- No...

I'm stupid. For as long as I remember - I was stupid. As a child I was crying the loudest not when I didn't
like the gift - it wasn't relevant. Problem was when I knew that my parent's were doing their best to fit my liking, and find the present which I will love. And they failed. And how the hell I could didn't like the actuall present if they were trying?!
And here it worked quite the same. The thought that Master was doing his best to do me a pleasure, and the only I could do was contemplation me "not-being-there", made me not want to stand up from the floor.

Ladies and gentelman! In ranking of the worst events, second plaaacee gooot:

PANIC!

Yep... Fear that this louse, Nisha won't step out of that room never ever and die there because of starvation. I'm worrying that maybe the lock is broken or some other unbelievable accident happend and she can't go out.

I'm always scared... At the very moment when I can't fit the atmosphere.... I panic. That it is over - again, that I'm not submissive enough, that I'm slut as long as it easy to take and then I poop out and billion other "thats"... And one the most important. That I loose my Master.

Why? How long you can start something over and over again.. From the very begging.