first of all, I would like to say sorry for my English. It's still not the best, but I hope that during writing this blog and my studies I'll be better every day :)I also want to say that it's a blog of me and my life. And because BDSM is a big part of my life, many things will be about it. The blog is translation of blog I have in my own language.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Am I put out with my Master?

When I was reading one of polish-language blogs I follow, I realise that feeling which are being created in my head are quite normal. And it's not so sick that I previously thought.

What does it mean to break the Slave? What is going on in her head? How it looks like from the biological side? Does the pain-limit is moved mechanicly?

I don't know... I don't think so that is happening mechanicly. It's rather impossible. In my opinion it's methodogical process of changing atittude. Why? Cause if Master piss me off I'm able to take three of four times more swats than normal, in quiet and without moaning and crying. I know - you would say that it's because of adrenaline. And I suppose you would be right, but... sometimes I think that similar situation is during "breaking" Slave's limits. I'm next to it. Absent. Of course - I can feel the pain, but I totally give up to it. I stop fighting and running away from that. The only think I dream of is to curl up and stay alone. But in this kind of situation there is no adrenaline or anything which would alleviate the pain. So... (But it's only my opinion and it doesn't mean I'm right :D), it's mean that all that is in my head and I can control it.

But... The post wasn't to be about that. Nisha is hidden. Although she step out of her room from time to time - she is put out with both of us, Master and me, and it doesn't seem that she's going anywhere from her room.

What the hell does it mean to be put out with the Master?! But yes... There is something like that...  And it isn't any methaphore.

Something in my mind has been touched. Nobody know why, and what it was caused by. Am I put out with my Master? No.. But I don't feel so self-confident and well when he touches me. I don't want to see his look. THE look. Conclusion? I wouldn't be myself if I didn't think that I sucked as a Slave.

The metaphore cross my mind. There is an old TV on the shelf. It whirs. Picture isn't clear. The only way to
make it better is to shoot at the TV's enclosure. If it didn't help, you should try again and everything is getting normal. And sometimes, the picture is messed up, because somebody stood up from the chair. Nobody knows the connection between the picture and the standing up. Floor's move? And nobody knows what changes inside the TV during shooting the enlcosure, but... It works.

Similar situation is with me. Master stood up - he didn't do anything wrong. He didn't do anything which touched me. He didn't hurt me. Duh! He didn't cross my limits. But something changed under my enclosure and I whir and hum instead of working as a good Slave... The worst is that in my head case, normal shooting doesn't work.

And... In that way, we came to the very moment when Master asks his Slave if sex at the morning is ok with her. This is THE fall.  Like falling from Sears Tower down to ground...

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